Friday, August 17, 2012

This one goes out to the people of Amarillo

Hello, Amarillo!  Are you ready to rock-and-roll?!

Listen to me, people of Amarillo: I have an idea for a business. When Montana and I left your city, we had to get rid of a lot of stuff in some pretty unsavory ways.  For example, I left a box of old electronics at a thrift store and drove away really fast.  We guilted friends into taking books and other things they didn't really need away from my house. We also (gulp!) just threw a lot of stuff away!

In my new city, where the trash can fills up so-- freaking-- slowly-- compared to the recycling and composting bins, the thought of Throwing Stuff Away already begins to fill me with horror.  No telling what horrors await in the dumpster labeled "Garbage" (or sometimes, more guilt-inducingly, "Stuff You Have Chosen to Waste, You Bad, Bad Person-- Oh, Well, I Guess Some Of Us Just Make Poor Choices Whaddaya Gonna Do?") Yeah, no telling what will pop out if I lift that lid.  Maybe Cthulu lives down there!

So, anyway, after attending several street fairs and art walks here in PDX, I have come to the conclusion that Portland is facing a crisis in the very near future.  The supply of repurposable waste material that can be used to make cork boards, and cake stands, and butterfly pins will surely dry up here, and soon.  Already things grow ugly in the Goodwill stores, as evidenced by the rage in "I, Anonymous" (the column where you look into the id of Portland and are all like, "Oh, honey, is that as mean as you can be?")

But, we can solve the problems of both towns!   As the possibilities for even simple 1990s-style recycling dry up in the 806, Amarillo is virtually overflowing with repurposable waste.  You can send it to us! All we need is some transport.  Who's willing to drive a truck filled with used electronics and scraps of fabric to the West Coast?  I'll check and see if the domain is available.

Love you guys! See you next time! Rock and Roll!


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Upside Down on Mars by Barry J. Cochran is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.